She seems to be getting worse recently, which is hard on me as I care deeply about her. She’s pushing me away, and it feels like she doesn’t want my help anymore.
This post will provide some strategies for people going through similar situations to try to get their loved ones back in therapy or at least open up the lines of communication so they can feel safe opening up about what’s happening inside them.
What depression looks like
I’ve heard it said that depressed people are often very hard on themselves and are prone to judging their actions harshly while being unable to accept any fault in others. This is what my girlfriend has started doing to me: she criticizes me for the smallest things, often telling me that I don’t support her emotionally or otherwise.
Her criticisms are often vague and hard to pin down – they’re not exactly accurate, but also not completely off the mark. Criticizing people is one of the ways depressed people try to avoid feeling bad about themselves by shifting responsibility to another person. Naturally, this irritates people around them and saps away their motivation to help
I think it’s important not to react too strongly to what your depressed one is saying or doing – even though you might be tempted to get angry at the criticisms they’re making of you, things will go a lot better if you don’t.
Why does my girlfriend push me away when she’s sad?
It’s not that she doesn’t want me around. I think it’s the opposite: she wants to be with me but doesn’t feel like she deserves my support at this moment in time.
If your girlfriend is depressed and is pushing you away, it’s likely because she feels bad about herself or has some other concern that makes her feel unworthy of your love and support. This is all about her issues, nothing to do with you!
Why does she want to be alone if she feels so bad then? When negative feelings overcome depressed people, they’ll often retreat into themselves in an attempt to block out what’s bothering them and calm down.
They might also start tuning out or checking out of conversations. I found this post about why people check out when they’re feeling down to help understand what’s going on in my girlfriend’s head right now.
The important thing to realize here is that depressed people aren’t usually doing these things because they’re mad at you or don’t want to see you; they’re doing it because they feel bad about themselves and are trying to cope with the feeling. Being alone is their way of coping.
When depressed people are surrounded by people, especially people they love, I’ve found that it can be hard for the person suffering to access those negative feelings. It’s easy to fall into denial in these situations and tell ourselves that people aren’t angry or upset with us.
How can we get her to open up?
The biggest thing is not getting wrapped up in what your depressed one is saying about you. It can be hard not to get annoyed at the things they’re saying, but that kind of irritation and anger will only cut deeper into whatever wounds are there.
I’ve found that it’s best to try to empathize with your girlfriend. When she tells you off for something, instead of getting mad or upset, ask yourself whether there might be some justification for what she’s saying. Try to see things from her point of view.
Girlfriend Is Depressed and Is Pushing Me Away- How to Help Her
Sometimes it’s possible that your girlfriend is depressed and stuck in a negative thought pattern, where she feels bad about herself and doesn’t want to get closer to people. This can be hard for us to deal with when we’re on the other side of the conversation – it can feel like we’re being rejected or pushed away without reason. I’ve put together some suggestions for how to deal with this:
1) Don’t react to her criticisms of you personally
Likely, the things she says about you aren’t so much about you as they are about the state her mind is in right now. Tell her you love her and want to be there for her, but that she is pushing you away. Express your frustration and disappointment at not being able to help out more than you are right now, but try not to take any of the things she says personally.
2) Be there for her
when I’m depressed, it’s hard for me to let other people in. Whenever my girlfriend was feeling down, she would retreat into herself and push me away. Whenever I was feeling depressed, it was hard for me to reach out to her in turn. It’s important not to let that kind of cycle build up – make sure you’re there for your girlfriend if they want or need your support.
3) Ask questions; don’t give advice
It can be tempting to cheer your girlfriend up by giving advice, telling her how to fix whatever is wrong with her, or suggesting easy solutions. If you find yourself thinking things like “she’ll feel better if she gets out more!” or “if only she listened to, ” stop!
While it’s natural to want to help your girlfriend, I’ve found that asking questions and listening is a lot more helpful. Try asking her (in a non-judgemental way) what she thinks the solution might be to whatever is happening in her head. It’s also helpful to ask yourself whether you agree with what she’s saying and if things are as bad for her as she seems to think they are.
4) Be patient
Good communication is hard work. Just because she pushed you away today doesn’t mean she’ll do the same thing tomorrow; just because she’s upset with you today doesn’t mean she’ll be so down tomorrow. Try to keep yourself from reacting too strongly – it’s ok to be disappointed or frustrated at times, but don’t take things personally, and remember that there are valid reasons for why your girlfriend might be feeling a certain way.
5) Talk about other things
If your girlfriend isn’t interested in talking about what’s going on for her or is pulling away from you emotionally, try to get the conversation onto other topics. I know it can be difficult when you feel like there are things to say that need saying, but if she’s not ready to hear them or doesn’t want to talk about them, it won’t do any good to force it.
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What do I do if my girlfriend is pushing me away?
Here are some of their suggestions for what to do if your girlfriend is pushing you away:
- “It depends a lot on why she is pushing you away. Remember that it is not about you but rather her anxiety. Keep calm and try to be there when she wants you. Don’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to, and don’t try to cheer her up with advice or a pep talk.
- If the reason for pushing you away is that she thinks you will leave her, then reassure her many times that this won’t happen. Say it in person, write it on paper, tell her friends, take pictures of you together with her and post it on the internet. If your girlfriend is worried that you might leave her due to something she did, then reassure her that you will be there for her, whatever happens.”
- “Be patient and try not to push anything too hard. It’s most likely about her anxiety. It feels like they are pushing you away because of something you did, so it’s normal to get angry. If the relationship is built on trust though (and it sounds like yours is), then this will pass.”
- “What have you done for her lately? Have you been kinder than usual? It does take a lot to fight off depression and anxiety on top of keeping normal life up so that she might be fighting her own battles.”
- “The best thing you can do is calmly reassure her that you want to continue being with them. Talk about your feelings, but don’t try and “fix” their problems (this will only make things worse). Just let them know they can talk to you about it if they want.”
- “Be as supportive and positive as possible. The toughest part is knowing that the anxiety isn’t really “about” me but rather their brain chemistry. I try my best to keep things light around them until they return to their normal selves.”
Why did my girlfriend push me away?
If your girlfriend is pulling away from you, there are a lot of reasons that she might be doing it. These include:
- stress at work
- lack of intimacy in the relationship
- or even just bad timing on her part
- Feeling unloved or disrespected by you
Impending breakups due to infidelity are also (unfortunately) a principal reason for this kind of behavior.
Why depressed person pushing me away?
I know you are suffering, but I want to be there for you. This blog post will explain why a depressed person may push away their friends and loved ones.
Depression causes a person to experience emotional withdrawal, fatigue, and feelings of hopelessness. All this may lead depressed people to push away those who are near them at this time.
The suffering you experience from being pushed away is real, but you must remember the reasons why your loved one has chosen to push you away. Depression can make a person feel hopeless, and sometimes this leads them to believe that others are not worthy of their energy.
As difficult as it is to understand, depression causes people to see the world in a distorted way. They may think that they aren’t worth your support, for example. Or perhaps they truly do not believe that you can make them feel better.
Also, depression may cause a person to wonder if others are tired of being around them, so they choose to isolate themselves from their loved ones to protect those around them. While this isn’t fair to you, you must understand that these feelings aren’t rational. Depression causes a person to have irrational feelings and thoughts.
The Last words
If you are in a relationship with someone who has depression, it can be challenging to know how to help. They must get professional treatment and medication as soon as possible so their mental health doesn’t deteriorate any further. Still, there are also things you can do on the side that will make the process easier for both of you. If you’re in a similar situation, reach out to us. Our team of experts is ready and waiting to partner with you to solve your problem.