Are you in a relationship that seems wrong? Is this the one for you? Knowing the signs you are dating the wrong person will help keep your heart from breaking. In this extensive guide, we’ll cover 15 signs this person probably isn’t right for you, leaving you well-informed about your love life.
40-50% of U.S. marriages end in divorce. While statistics for those who never marry are harder to come by, more people than ever are living together, with 70% breakup rates for straight unmarried couples in Year 1 (Marriage.com). These statistics underscore the importance of knowing what makes a relationship work — and what signs the time may have come to move on. From a lack of communication to mismatched life goals, the warning signs that you’re heading for a breakup can be subtle, but the consequences are always enormous. Learning to recognize these early signs of dating abuse can save you or someone you know from becoming emotionally involved and invested in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. Today, we will list the 15 signs you are dating the wrong person.
1. Poor Communication
Good communication is the oxygen a relationship breathes to survive and thrive. If you feel like pulling teeth talking to your partner, or they always shut you down whenever you share how you think, that’s a significant warning sign. Two-way communication is for both of you to listen and to speak. For example, when you share with your partner that your day at work was rigorous and your partner responds with, “Just get over it,” you get the feeling that they don’t care about your emotions. Or they always cut you off or refuse meaningful conversations. In that case, that’s stonewalling, which can slowly kill your bond.
Why It’s a Problem: Lack of communication creates room for misunderstanding and breeds resentment. Picture trying to plan a vacation together, except that your partner either tunes you out or changes the topic whenever you suggest something. It makes you feel invisible. Research has shown that happy couples are much better communicators (Gottman Institute).
What to Do: Confront it head-on. For instance, say: “I feel like we’re not communicating very well, and I would like for us to focus on improving this.” Suggest couples therapy if needed. If they are unwilling to try, maybe it’s time to reconsider the relationship.
2. Different Life Goals or Values
Suppose you and your partner are on different pages about what you want from life. In that case, it’s going to be problematic. So, if you are living in a big city and making a career but want a quiet life in a small town, you’re on different paths. Fundamental values — whether it’s about family, money, or personal freedom — are just as crucial. If you treasure tight family connections but your spouse is more focused on being independent, you two could butt heads when it comes to family holidays or significant decisions.
Why It’s a Problem: Tension results from a lack of compatibility of goals or values. A couple with mixed desires regarding having children could find some compromise. Studies indicate that common values forecast the long-term success of a relationship (Verywell Mind).
What to Do: Have a Conversation About Long-Term Planning Early On. Ask yourself whether some compromise is possible or if these are deal-breaker differences.
3. Feeling Like You Can’t Be Yourself
In a good relationship, you can be yourself. If you feel like you must keep parts of yourself hidden to keep your partner happy — whether that’s your love of partying or your penchant for strange hobbies — that’s a problem. Perhaps you like spending time with friends, but if your partner makes you feel bad about it, you decide to back off so you don’t fight. Over time, this can make you feel like you are losing yourself.
Why That’s a Problem: Stifling your personality will only lead to resentment and discontentment. A good partner celebrates your autonomy. Research finds that authenticity can increase relationship satisfaction (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
What to Do: Talk about your desire to be yourself. If they can’t appreciate you for who you are, it may be time to move on.
4. Lack of Trust
Any great relationship is built upon trust. If it’s lacking — whether from cheating, lying, or being kept in the dark — it isn’t easy to feel safe. For instance, if your partner is evasive about where they are, or you catch them in little lies, it can cause you to doubt everything. Even if there’s no infidelity, pervasive secrecy or “little white lies” will undermine trust.
Why It’s a Problem: Without trust, people in relationships are continuously drained. Some 85% of relationships don’t recover from infidelity (Affair Recovery). Perpetual uncertainty can grind you down.
What You Can and Should Do: Rebuilding trust requires transparency and effort. If your partner is unwilling to work on it, it might not be right for you.
5. Constant Arguing or Fighting
All couples fight, but if you find yourself fighting more than you are merry, that’s a bad sign. Suppose every discussion about money or plans tends to erupt into a raging argument. In that case, you may not be suited for each other. Constructive communication includes working out conflicts healthily and not letting them simmer.
Why It’s a Problem: All that arguing can hurt your emotions; couples who fight fairly are more likely than not to remain in love (Drawing Down the Moon).
What to Do: Prioritize healthy conflict resolution. Couples therapy may be helpful if the arguments continue. If not, reassess the relationship.
6. Feeling Drained or Unfulfilled
A relationship is supposed to make you feel good, not drained. If being with your partner repeatedly leaves you empty or drained, push back. For example, if you are always the one to organize dates or to solve their problems, but nothing ever seems to get solved when it comes to you, or if you’re the one putting all the effort in. In contrast, little to no one is put on your end to meet you at the same place, and the dynamic is uneven.
Why It’s a Problem: Being tired is bad for you. You’re happier when you’re away from them, and it’s not necessarily bad (Bustle).
What to Do: Think about why you feel that way. Talk to your partner about what you need. “If the dynamic doesn’t shift, then it might not be the right place.
7. Giving More Than Getting
Relationships have to be two-way. Suppose you’re always making an effort (planning dates, giving in, apologizing, etc.), and your partner is doing very little. In that case, it’s a recipe for resentment. For instance, if you adapt your schedule to accommodate theirs, but they never do the same for you, that demonstrates a lack of mutual investment.
Why It’s a Problem: Imbalance causes frustration. An equal and balanced relationship leads to satisfaction (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
What You Can Do: Communicate your needs. If they won’t reciprocate this, it’s time to find someone who puts stock in you as much as you do in them.
8. Not Introducing to Friends or Family
Suppose you’ve been dating for a while, and your partner hesitates to introduce you to their friends or take you to a family gathering. In that case, it may be a sign that they don’t take the relationship seriously. If, for instance, they refuse to take you to family functions or are bashful in introducing you, it could indicate commitment issues. Being aware of these signs can help you navigate your relationship more effectively.
Why It’s a Problem: Getting folded into social circles is an organic and essential step in a more committed relationship. It’s a sign of mutual respect and acceptance. Reluctance in this area is usually a sign of feelings that are not as strong (Bustle).
What to Do: Initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner about their reasons for holding back. This can help you both better understand each other’s perspectives. Remember, it’s a sign of incompatibility if they don’t envision a future with you. Still, it’s also an opportunity for you to make informed decisions about your relationship.
9. Adopting Unhealthy Habits
A relationship should make you better, not contribute to unhealthy behaviour. All of a sudden, if your partner prompts you to engage in more activities you typically wouldn’t—such as regularly drinking, not exercising, and not taking care of your mental and physical health — that’s a red flag. For example, if they guilt you into staying in and drinking instead of going to the gym, it can be bad for your body.
Why It’s a Problem: Unhealthy habits are bad for you. A healthy partner who makes you stretch is a good one.
What to Do: Establish limits and focus on self-care. If the dynamic does not change, this might not be the right partnership.
10. No Willingness to Compromise
Compromise is the building block of a good relationship. Your partner’s lack of willingness to compromise (on the little things, like weekend plans, to the big things, like job relocations) can contribute to an imbalance. For example, if you say you want to move for a job and they immediately say no, no discussion is allowed, which is a sign of rigidity.
Why That’s a Problem: Refusing to compromise stymies collaboration. The happiest couples compromise best (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
What to Do: The point is to be straightforward about your fears. If your partner is still unreceptive, it’s a clue that they aren’t ideal for you. Keep in mind that your voice is also essential in the relationship.
11. Can’t Imagine a Future Together
If you can’t imagine a future with your partner, either the two of you have conflicting visions of the future, or it’s an instinctive sense. This is a big sign that they may not be the one for you. For example, suppose marriage is a dream, and you don’t see them fitting into that narrative, or visions of growing old together don’t match. In that case, they’re not speaking the same language as you are.
Why That’s a Problem: The basis of long-term compatibility is forming a life together based on common dreams. We all disregard some red flags that another is throwing our way in the early stages of a relationship. If your significant other avoids the future, that’s a huge red flag (LifeHack).
What to Do: Accept the reins and ask, “What about my partner is bothering me?” If there is a persistent disconnect, it may be time to look for someone whose future more closely mirrors your own.
12. Signs of Abuse or Control
Any abuse, be it emotional, physical, or psychological, is a huge red flag. That can be belittling comments, controlling behavior such as keeping an eye on your phone, or physical aggression. For instance, if your partner criticizes your looks to diminish your confidence or jealously insists you disassociate from friends to deter third parties from being involved, these are extreme red flags.
Why It’s a Problem: Because it’s a safety issue. One in 4 women and 1 in 9 men are victims of intimate partner violence (TheHotline.org).
What to Do: First, make sure you are safe. Then, lean on your support network of friends, family, or a professional. Becoming part of a secure relationship is usually favorable.
13. Emotional Unavailability
In a good relationship, you should feel emotionally supported. If your partner consistently closes off, doesn’t open up about their feelings, or seems like an empty shell when you try to access an emotional connection, that’s emotional unavailability. For example, if something is going on and you’re struggling. They’re not consoling or seem agitated; you might feel isolated.
Why This Is a Problem: Feeling disconnected because you are emotionally unavailable is like trying to converse with a brick wall — frustrating and unsatisfying (Veronika Amaya).
What to Do: Have a conversation about how their actions affect you. They aren’t the best fit for you if they aren’t willing to discuss the matter.
14. Unnatural Relationship Pace
All couples are different, but take that as a red warning if your groove is a rollercoaster going too fast or too slow. For example, if your partner says they want to move in together after a few dates, that’s rushing. If they won’t commit or introduce you to friends after a year, that’s too slow.\]
Why It’s Okay: An unnatural pace can be a sign that something is wrong. A good relationship evolves unconsciously, and both people are okay (Veronika Amaya).
What to Do: Discuss why the timing feels a bit off. Consider whether you want this relationship if they can’t justify it based on their beliefs or dismiss your concerns.
15. Feeling Like You’re Not a Priority
Remember, relationships should make you feel cherished. Suppose your partner consistently puts other things, such as friends, work, and hobbies, above you or cancels plans without a valid reason. In that case, you might feel like you’re not a priority. But you deserve to be cherished and valued in your relationship. And it is one of the significant signs you are dating the wrong person.
Why It’s a Problem: When you feel unimportant, your self-worth and relationships suffer. Remember, you have every right to be with someone who values and prioritizes you (Bustle).
What to Do: Remember, you can share your feelings with your partner. If they aren’t trying to prioritize you, remember that you deserve to be with someone who will.
The Sum Up
| Signs | Why It’s a Red Flag | What to Do |
|---|---|---|
| Poor Communication | Leads to misunderstandings and resentment | Try open dialogue or therapy |
| Different Life Goals | Causes long-term conflict | Discuss future plans early |
| Can’t Be Yourself | Breeds unhappiness | Seek a partner who accepts you |
| Lack of Trust | Undermines security | Rebuild trust or reconsider |
| Constant Arguing | Signals incompatibility | Focus on conflict resolution |
| Feeling Drained | Harms well-being | Prioritize your energy |
| Giving More | Creates imbalance | Demand mutual effort |
| No Social Integration | Suggests doubts | Integrate or reassess |
| Unhealthy Habits | Damages health | Set boundaries |
| No Compromise | Stifles partnership | Seek mutual flexibility |
| No Future Vision | Indicates mismatch | Align goals or move on |
| Abuse or Control | Threatens safety | Seek help and exit safely |
| Emotional Unavailability | Makes you feel isolated | Discuss feelings; reassess if unchanged |
| Unnatural Pace | Signals underlying issues | Discuss pace; reevaluate if dismissed |
| Not a Priority | Hurts self-esteem | Demand to be valued |
Additional Resources
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
- Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
- Forced Marriage Unit: 020 7008 0151
- Emergency: 999
FAQs
Occasional doubts are normal, but persistent patterns—like feeling drained or dismissed—suggest real issues. Trust your instincts and discuss with a friend or therapist.
Some issues, like communication or compromise, can improve with effort. Fundamental differences or abuse often indicate it’s time to move on.
Yes, all relationships face challenges. Chronic mistrust, exhaustion, or unhappiness point to deeper incompatibilities.
If you feel undervalued, make excuses for your partner’s behavior, or stay out of fear of being alone, you may be settling.
Love alone isn’t enough if the relationship causes more pain than joy. Evaluate whether issues can be resolved or if love clouds your judgment.
Practice active listening, express feelings calmly, and avoid blame. Couples therapy can help.
You can’t change someone; they must want to change. Focus on your needs and their willingness to grow.
Consider their concerns, especially if multiple people express worry. Reflect on their reasons but trust your feelings.
Transparency, consistent actions, and time are needed. Both partners must commit, and therapy can help.
If issues persist, your well-being suffers, or abuse is present, prioritize yourself and consider leaving safely.
Signs include not sharing feelings, not providing support, or seeming distant. If this persists despite efforts, it might signal incompatibility.
Communicate your need to slow down. If they respect your boundaries, that’s positive. And if not, they may not consider your needs. How can I tell if I’m overthinking or if these signs are real?
Can these issues be fixed, or is it always a sign to break up?
Is it normal to have some of these feelings?
How do I know if I’m settling?
What if I love my partner but see these signs?
How can I improve communication?
Can I change my partner’s behavior?
What if my loved ones dislike my partner?
How do I rebuild trust?
When should I end a relationship?
How can I tell if my partner is emotionally unavailable?
What if my relationship is moving too fast?
Conclusion
Identifying the signs you are dating the wrong person is the first step toward having a healthier, happier relationship. From poor communication to abuse, these red flags will help you determine if you should stay or go in your relationship. Although there may be things that can be worked on, issues like abuse are not one of them. Contemplate these signals and even (if need be) speak to your partner or seek professional advice. Your happiness and safety are essential, and the right partner will support and value you.
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