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[Top 5 Reasons] Why Do Breakups Hurt?

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  • Post last modified:May 21, 2023

Why Do Breakups Hurt? Breakups sometimes hurt to the point where we feel like we can’t take it anymore. It feels like there is a constant ache in our chest and throat as if someone took a knife and stabbed us. We might be able to make it through the day, but when we try to think about what our future might look like without our now ex-partner, the pain becomes too much, and we break down into tears.

Breakups often happen because of a change in circumstance that makes it difficult for both people to be together. For example, one partner may have been offered a job that requires relocation or one partner may have decided they want kids and the other doesn’t, or vice versa.

Why Do Breakups Hurt
Why Do Breakups Hurt

In any case, breakups are common in the course of life, whether it’s because someone has passed away or gone into a coma or there is no longer any possibility for the couple to stay together. Breakups are natural, and we must move on from them to have fulfilling relationships in the future. However, even though breakups are common, they can still hurt and feel like something we never thought would happen to us.

We typically think of sadness when we reflect on heartache. Breakups can indeed make us feel very sad, but it’s not the only emotion we might experience when we go through a breakup. I want to talk about some other emotions that individuals often experience when they go through a breakup. Once the sadness begins to subside, anger may set in. We might be angry with our ex for wanting to end things, or we might be mad at ourselves for holding onto something that had no future. Sometimes, it can seem like both parties are truly happy about their new lives without each other, which can make us feel even more alone.

Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much?

Breakups are hard. We put our hearts on the line and invest time and energy into someone else, only to have them leave us for somebody else. It’s a lot like ripping off a Band-Aid – it hurts at the moment, but you can’t dwell on how much it hurt because if you do, that will set your recovery back. So why do breakups hurt so much?  Psychologists theorize that when we start dating someone new, we’re often subconsciously looking for an “ideal” person who matches what we think our perfect partner would be like (which is usually based solely on appearances).

breakups hurt so much
breakups hurt so much

When this doesn’t happen, and instead, there’s disappointment after disappointment. Eventually, the relationship starts to feel dead and meaningless and not worth fighting for.  In one study, people who had recently been through a breakup indicated that the most painful aspect was facing themselves and their shortcomings highlighted by the failed relationship. It’s easier to point out others’ mistakes than our own, but we can’t deny that we’re all not perfect, and we’ll eventually find someone who will see the flaws that we can’t, but they’ll still like us anyways. It’s not personal; it just happens to be one of the prices you pay for love.

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5 Reasons Why Breakups Hurt So Much.

We’ve all been there at one point or another. You’re in the middle of a breakup, and you can’t seem to get your head straight. It’s not uncommon for breakups to hurt. This blog post will explore 5 reasons breakups are difficult.

1. It’s How We Grieve For Our Old Identity.

Breaking up with someone means having to think about what your life will be like without them, which means you have to consider who you are when they’re not around. And it’s scary. You have to start all over again and re-create yourself in a way that doesn’t include them. That’s why it’s so hard to let go – you’re grieved over the identity that you two created together, which is now gone.

2. We Compare Our Breakups To Others.

If your breakup follows an especially bad relationship, chances are you feel like the one who got away (which makes sense because there was someone who wanted you – even if it was for the wrong reasons). Comparing your breakup to others can make it hurts worse, but don’t forget that every relationship is different and no comparison will be alike.

Why Do Breakups Hurt
Why Do Breakups Hurt

3. People Think They Know What We’re Going Through.

When people hear about a breakup, their first instinct is to offer their condolences and tell you how they would feel in your situation. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can get on your nerves if you find yourself explaining the same details over and over again. We all grieve in our ways, so let people give you space when you need it.

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4. The Thought Of Living Without Them Is Too Scary.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to go through life, never thinking beyond the boundaries of that relationship. It feels safe and comfortable because everything has already been decided for you – who you’ll spend Christmas with, what your kids will look like, and where you’ll retire together after raising your beautiful supermodel children. It’s like you only exist in this relationship.

And when it ends, you have to do all that again, this time without the person who was always at your side. It’s a scary thought and one that most people avoid thinking about until they’re faced with it.

5. We Live In A Society Where We’re Constantly Bombarded With External Stimuli.

Most of us feel like we have to be happy all the time, which means that even an average day is probably filled with experiences you could talk about at a dinner party. But when your relationship ends, it’s like you’re suddenly not allowed to experience anything new or exciting without sharing it with your ex first. This leads grieving people to feel like they’ve lost their voice and can’t find a way to express themselves anymore.

Read Also: Why Breakups Hurt So Bad Is Your Worst Enemy

How Do I Stop Hurting After A Breakup?

It’s normal to feel the way you do after a breakup, but eventually, we have to accept that we can’t control how we’ll feel. It may seem like it will never get easier or that you’ll never be able to move on from this pain, but remember that every relationship has an end – both good and bad.

In addition to taking time for yourself after a breakup, it might help to find someone on the outside who you can trust. This could be a friend, family member, or maybe even your therapist that you’ve grown close to. Sometimes, all we need is someone who makes us feel like our feelings are heard and validated before we’re able to move forward with our lives.

How Long Until Breakups Stop Hurting?

How long it takes to get over a relationship depends on the circumstances surrounding your breakup. Some circumstances are more difficult than others – for example if you were with someone who cheated on you or emotionally manipulated you, these things will take longer to get over because they’re such betrayals of trust.

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On the other hand, if there were no hard feelings between you and your ex, the pain might not take as long to get over. The important thing is that you’re able to find a way to be happy on your own before considering starting another relationship. Some people aren’t ready for another commitment and need time alone to figure out what they want in life and how they’ll be happy on their own.

However, if you’ve had more than one serious relationship end in the past few years, it might be time to reflect on what went wrong and how you could have done things differently moving forward.

What Are Some Tips For Moving On After A Breakup?

  • Accept your feelings of hurt – remember that this is a normal response to a major life event.
  • Be open to new experiences – but don’t dwell too much on what you’re missing out on because it will only make things worse.
  • Find someone you can trust who makes you feel validated and respected – maybe that person is already in your life.
  • Give yourself time before moving on to a new relationship.

Remember that everyone’s response to a breakup is different. For some, the pain might never go away, and they’ll be eternally stuck in this place of sadness and confusion. For others, it might just take one or two tries before finding someone with whom they truly feel happy again. In most cases, though, people eventually find a way to feel whole and happy again, so don’t be too hard on yourself for needing time to heal after your breakup.

Why Do Breakups Hurt
Why Do Breakups Hurt


Breakups are tough. You may find yourself going through a range of emotions, from shock and sadness to anger or relief. But the pain you feel is not just physical; it’s mental as well. That’s because your brain releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin during a breakup that make you think about the person who left you over and over again—sometimes for years following their departure from your life. So if these thoughts have been plaguing you, don’t worry! It’s normal to go through this process after breaking up with someone special in your life.

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Leslie May
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Leslie May

Hi, I am Leslie B. May. I am a relationship expert with several years of experience. I run this blog to support people with different types of relationship problems and issues. In addition, I help people to get rid of psychological problems with simple but descriptive guides. Moreover, I love to write about tips and suggestions about relationships and help people decide wisely.