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Top 5 Reasons Why Are Breakups So Painful?

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Why Are Breakups So Painful? Breakups are painful. They are difficult to recover from and can sometimes leave a person feeling like they have lost their partner and themselves.

Breakups indeed hurt because of the emotional pain one feels when separated from someone they care about, but there is more to it than just this.

Breakups can be so painful for some reasons: The loss of companionship, being forced to face oneself without distractions or crutches, having to redefine oneself after losing an important part of one’s identity.

How painful is a breakup?

The most important reason why breakups are so painful is that they force one to face themselves without the distraction or crutch of a significant other. 

Most people blame themselves when going through a breakup because it is so difficult to accept that someone you cared about wasn’t what you thought they were. 

breakup is a painful
breakup is a painful

When we spend a long time with another person, we start to think of them as part of ourselves. 

We forget that they are their person and see them only as a part of us. This makes it easier to avoid negative thoughts or feelings about the relationship when things are going well. We subconsciously don’t want to face those feelings and instead suppress them. 

When a breakup occurs, it forces us to face the negative feelings we had about the relationship. Without the crutch of a significant other to lean on and blame things on, it becomes painfully obvious that something in the relationship wasn’t right. 

It can be difficult for people who have never come across this before because it means having to face oneself without any distractions.

Top 5 Reasons Why Are Breakups So Painful?

Breakups are difficult to go through, and it can be hard to understand why they’re so painful. With this list of the 5 reasons, breakups hurt so much. You’ll have a better idea of what’s going on inside your head.

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1.      Loss of Companionship

Companionship is the loss of a support system, and for some people, losing their partner means losing their only source of companionship. It can be difficult to find another person to connect with, especially when that other person can never take your ex’s place.

Some may turn to social circles for support, but others may find it difficult to even walk outside their door after the breakup.

2.      Being Forced To Face Oneself

Being in a relationship can sometimes be like having aid or a crutch; however, when someone breaks up with you, that crutch is taken away, and you are forced to face your problems without any help.

It can be hard to deal with oneself when there are so many unresolved personal issues, and as a result, it’s easier to run away from them instead of tackling the problems head-on.

3.      Inevitable Introspection & Self-Validation

When someone breaks up with you, they no longer see you in a positive light, and as a result, you are forced to reevaluate your actions, feelings, and perceptions.

In addition to this, the other person may invalidate who you are or what you did by constantly reminding you about their new partner (or lack thereof). This can leave one feeling hurt and worthless.

4.      Identity Loss

Breakups can cause a person to lose a significant part of their identity when forced to redefine themselves as single. When one is in a relationship, they are defined by their partner, but they have no one around to define them or put labels on them after the breakup.

As a result, some people feel lost and even lost a sense of self-worth.

5.      Feelings Of Loneliness & Despair

Lastly, another important reason breakups are so painful is that they leave people feeling lonely and hurt.

Loneliness is a terrible feeling, but it can also feel comforting in the sense that one knows at least one person understands what they’re going through, even if that person doesn’t have to be their ex or even a romantic partner.

Even when the pain does subside, many people fear being alone and feel they won’t fill the void without their ex.

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This fear of being alone is often so powerful it can cause people to act crazy or make irrational decisions just in an attempt to win back their ex. This desperation for companionship can cause feelings of despair and depression to heighten dramatically, leaving many unable to deal with their emotions.

See, breakups can be very difficult and painful experiences, and even if you are in a relationship now, there is always the chance that things will not work out between you two, and you could wind up being single again.

I hope this article helped answer some questions or concerns you may have had about breakups, and I hope you found it insightful.

Also Read:

Top 10 Biggest Reasons For Breakups
Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups

Does the pain of a breakup ever go away?

According to one study, it may depend on how long you were with your partner.

The results of a new study suggest that the pain of heartbreak may fade more quickly for those who have been in longer relationships.

In the study, researchers surveyed about 800 men and women in Germany about their breakups and how they felt during the window between one and 14 months afterwards.

The participants reported feeling the most anguish during the first three months after a breakup, as is typical during that time of heightened emotional pain.

But then their level of suffering began to decrease in intensity over time depending on two things: how long they had been with their ex-partner before splitting up and how much time had passed.

If you were together for less than six months, your pain would likely dissipate in about four months. However, if a relationship lasted longer than three years, expect to feel the emotional pinch for at least seven months—suggesting that it just takes more time to get over someone who was around the longest.

How do I stop hurting after a break up?

One way to deal with the pain of a breakup is to keep busy. As we all know, time heals all wounds.

I advise my clients that one of the best things they can do when in the throes of heartbreak is not thought about their ex and instead focus on doing something else that will help them cope says Jocelyn Charnas, a matchmaker and dating expert. “Set new goals for themselves — join a gym, learn to cook or get involved in another activity.”

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How long until breakups stop hurting?

For some, the pain of a breakup can last years rather than months. After all, many people don’t go through life without experiencing more than one serious relationship.

“There are breakups that will forever hurt — like when you have children together, and there is no hope for reconciliation,” says Charnas. “But as far as heartbreak, that will usually resolve itself after about a year.”

How does breakup affect the body?

Breakups affect the body and the mind, causing symptoms such as lack of sleep, weight fluctuations and loss of interest in other activities.

“The brain can’t differentiate a breakup from any other form of rejection like losing a job or being turned down for a loan,” says Michelle Gielan, director of The Institute for Applied Positive.

The pain of a breakup will lessen with time, but it may depend on how long you were together.


Breakups are frustrating and painful. There is no shortage of advice to help you get over a breakup, but the truth is that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. Everyone recovers at their own pace, so it can be helpful to make your list of goals for getting back on track after a breakup.

Here are some ideas for what could work for you: -Get in touch with friends who have been through breakups too -Find an activity or hobby that was enjoyable before the relationship -Take care of yourself by eating well and exercising regularly.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate it! Please let me know what you think about this article, and feel free to ask questions in the comments section down below!

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Leslie May
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Leslie May

Hi, I am Leslie B. May. I am a relationship expert with several years of experience. I run this blog to support people with different types of relationship problems and issues. In addition, I help people to get rid of psychological problems with simple but descriptive guides. Moreover, I love to write about tips and suggestions about relationships and help people decide wisely.