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Top 10 Reasons Why Ending an Affair is so Hard?

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Do you often wonder why ending an affair is so hard? You’re not alone. Staying in a relationship that harms your health and your reputation can be difficult, but ending the affair can also be challenging. The first step is admitting that there’s a problem and taking responsibility for your actions.

Once you’ve done this, make a plan of action with some realistic goals. It might take time to get back on track, but as long as you are committed to making yourself happy again, you’ll eventually succeed!

An affair can be a difficult and emotional experience for both parties involved. Ending an affair is not easy either, and there are many reasons why that’s the case.

Ending An Affair Is So Hard
Ending An Affair Is So Hard

Some of these reasons include guilt, fear of abandonment, fear of being found out by your significant other or friends/family members, sexual addiction(e.g., sex addiction), feelings for their lover in addition to feelings for their spouse or partner (i.e., ambivalence).

This post will explore some more possible reasons why ending an affair can be so hard on people who have been unfaithful to their spouses or partners with someone else they met through work or otherwise outside of marriage or a committed relationship.

Why Ending an Affair is so Hard? 10 Reasons

We all know the pain of ending an affair. The guilt, the loss of time and money, and the feeling that you’ve betrayed your spouse are just a few reasons why breaking it off is so difficult. For some people, it’s too much to handle, and they go back to their affair partner or enter into another one. But for those who can take the necessary steps to end things with infidelity can find great peace in doing so. This blog post will provide 10 signs showing why breaking off an affair is so hard and how worth it is!

Here are our Top 10 Reasons Why Ending an Affair is So Hard: 

1) Guilt

You feel guilty about hurting your spouse by being unfaithful. You are worried about what they will think, say, feel and do after you break the news to them. Will you hurt them even more by telling, or will it cause less pain if you don’t tell and continue with your affair?

2) Fear of being found out

Fear of being found out
Fear of being found out

If your spouse knows that something is wrong, you have to move things along faster or cut them off completely. You are afraid of what will happen if they find out about you and your affair partner. Will they be able to handle it? How will it change the marriage? What if your spouse decides that they want a divorce because of the infidelity? 

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3) Desperate

This one depends on the circumstances and is why I didn’t include it in my list above. Some people desperately want to escape an abusive marriage or relationship but are too scared to take the steps needed. They feel trapped and cannot see a way out of their situation, so they stay with this affair partner as if they are under their control. They don’t want to admit that a deathly fear of the unknown is controlling them, and that is why they are staying with this person. 

4) Loss of money

You have spent way too much money on your affair partner. This can be from gifts, travel costs, hotel rooms, train tickets for long trips etc. Your bank account is looking very low these days, and you wonder how you will pay the mortgage if it carries on like this. But then again, maybe if you spend a little more, they might leave their spouse?

5) Unable to end things

Even though you know that you should end the affair and be with your spouse, you find yourself hesitating. You are worried about how they will react or what it will do to your marriage. You don’t want to hurt them by asking for a divorce, but you feel like you might not have another choice. It would help if you built up the courage to end things for good.

6) Love/Attraction

“You’re all I think about.” “I want you so much.” The love and attraction that you feel are very real, and it’s hard to let go of these intense feelings that are no longer appropriate given your situation in life. You don’t know how the relationship started, but it changed everything when it did. 

7) Excitement/Newness

It feels like a huge adrenaline rush with someone new who isn’t cheating on their other half. You find yourself looking forward to each meeting, not knowing what will happen next or where it will take you both emotionally, like riding a roller coaster ride over and over again. 

8) Loneliness/Boredom


Your marriage has changed after the birth of your children, and you have become two separate people who barely communicate with each other anymore. You are bored with your life, feeling as though nothing exciting or interesting will ever happen to you again. 

9) Lack of identity

Being so involved in this affair and spending all your time with this new person has made you feel like a different person altogether. They love everything about you, compliment you all the time and make you feel great about yourself…or do they?

They’ve probably been telling lies to manipulate and control you, making themselves look good in comparison to your spouse.  They’ve made it seem that being together is better for you than being with your spouse. This is what this person has done to you, and it’s time you started thinking for yourself again. 

10) Still in love with an affair partner

It’s hard to admit this one, we know, but if any of the feelings have gone away, then it means that something is wrong somewhere. Affairs often start because there isn’t enough passion in our marriages, and affairs can seem exciting (the forbidden fruit factor). But if an affair carries on too long without bringing anything new into a relationship, then all that is left is routine and boredom!

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If you find yourself in any of these situations, it’s time to end things for good. Find your own identity again and rebuild your life after the affair. You have suffered enough, and nothing good will come from continuing the affair a moment longer.

Also Read: How to avoid marital conflict: Top 10 Helpful Tips

What am I doing wrong in my relationship?

Do affairs ever end well?

This cannot be easy to answer as many different factors could lead to an affair occurring and subsequently ending. Some people might argue that it never ends well because it causes infidelity in a marriage, damaging for both spouses involved.

Others might say that affairs end well if they have been dealt with properly and the couple can move on from them together. A third viewpoint would be that some marriages end up stronger after an affair has occurred and been resolved without one spouse being cheated on or left behind due to divorce proceedings.

How do affairs usually end?

As we touched on above, there are so many different ways for an affair to end. However, the most common way that affairs end is with one of the following:

1) You return to your marriage or get a divorce

If you aren’t really happy in the affair relationship, then perhaps it might be best for all concerned if you end things and try to go back together again?

2) Your spouse finds out about your affair

This is not ideal because they will either feel betrayed, hurt or angry. They may even decide to go along with the affair by sacrificing their feelings and love for you both to be happy. Or they could decide that it’s game over and want out, which means divorce proceedings will begin.

3) Your affair partner has an affair too

If you have been searching for love or excitement outside of your marriage, then it’s likely that the same thing will happen to your partner, who is also unhappy. However, if they get their affairs from a place of desperation due to unhappiness in their marriage, this could cause more problems and threaten the marriage even more.

4) You have a mutual agreement to end it

You may decide that you don’t want to go into a divorce or can’t face telling your partner what you’ve been up to because you think they will leave. So instead, together, the two of you break off contact with your affair partner.

5) You end up single

If your affair doesn’t work out or your partner decides to end it for you, then it’s likely that you will have to move on and look elsewhere for happiness. This could be hard, especially if the other person were ‘the one’ and leave you feeling extremely lonely.

6) You break up

It’s pretty self-explanatory, but this might happen if you don’t feel happy in the affair or it just doesn’t work out. If your feelings for your partner aren’t as strong as you thought and they don’t feel the same way…then that’s okay too! Sometimes people have affairs thinking that they can create powerful feelings for their affair partner, but there is nothing to hold them together if this does not happen.

How long does affair withdrawal last?

The question of how long does affair withdrawal lasts is one that many people wonder about. The answer to the question depends on some factors, including the duration and seriousness of the affair and your personality type. 

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Some couples can move past an affair within a few months with minimal residual effects. On the other hand, some struggle for years following an infidelity event, often enduring feelings of anger or even depression.

The time it takes to get over affairs varies greatly from person to person and couple to couple; however, most agree that it can take anywhere from three months up to two years before you start feeling “normal” again and have full trust in your partner once more.

Why is it so hard to end an emotional affair?

If you have found yourself in an emotional affair, then it’s likely that you’ll find it difficult to end your connection with them. There could be several reasons for this, but here are some of the main ones:

1) Your partner doesn’t support any breakup attempts – If your spouse is completely against ending the affair or even suspicious of it, then you may find it hard to break away from the lover simply because your partner won’t allow it.

2) Your affair is just starting – If you have only recently started the affair and haven’t been seeing each other or talking very much, then perhaps ending things will be easier than if you had already become attached?

3) It’s all you have – If the other person fulfills a need for you or makes you feel good about yourself, then cutting them out of your life might make you feel alone and empty.

How do you grieve the end of an affair?

There are two stages of grief after an affair ends – anger and sadness. Anger often comes first because it is easier for some people to get angry than sad, but both stages are necessary if you want to heal completely. When anger sets in, it’s natural for your emotions to be all over the place as they try and work out where they stand with their partner or spouse; however, don’t let this lead to furthering an affair with your lover.

A lot of people never work out why things went wrong in their marriage or how to fix it; however, here are some tips you can use if you want to get past the affair and regain trust within your relationship:

1) Talk about it – It might be a bit uncomfortable at first, but both of you must sit down and talk about what has gone wrong in your marriage. 

2) Write it down – Alongside talking, try writing a few things down as well to help sort your thoughts out.

3) Never stop trying – If you feel angry or sad, then it’s completely normal, but don’t let this set off an affair. Keep trying to work things out so that you can get back to enjoying your marriage again.


If you’re struggling to end your affair, know that it’s not just you. Ending an affair is hard because of the emotional attachment and intimacy involved in a relationship with someone other than your spouse. It takes time to heal from this type of betrayal, and there are steps you can take to make ending an affair easier for both yourself and your partner. Please feel free to comment below if you have any questions or advice on how to handle these difficult situations.

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Leslie May
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Leslie May

Hi, I am Leslie B. May. I am a relationship expert with several years of experience. I run this blog to support people with different types of relationship problems and issues. In addition, I help people to get rid of psychological problems with simple but descriptive guides. Moreover, I love to write about tips and suggestions about relationships and help people decide wisely.