Often, when we recognize that we are not happy with our partners, we feel guilty about disability, disability. Then we try to blame shifting in relationships. No matter how sincerely you want to be the best partner, blaming someone else for your problem does not solve the problem. It can only exacerbate it.
What is blame-shifting?
“Blame shifting” in relationships therapy is the practice of shifting the burden of responsibility from oneself to another person or event. In a healthy relationship, this is a very healthy and positive development. But it can also be the precursor toward many other problems. Here are some examples:
A feeling of deep guilt may accompany an event that you initially take responsibility for; A feeling of being angry at yourself for not catching. Or stopping the abusive behavior. A feeling of “I have to stay sensitive” because you are the victim and must be careful about how you deal with this type of situation even though the other person is abusive. A feeling of “I will never ask for help again.”
Blame shifting in relationships
One of the major causes of insecurity in relationships is one of the major causes of insecurity in the world. As a whole – the ability to detach from our own image source. Many of us who experience insecurity are quick to point out the various ways we have hurt others in the past.
We often cite drinking too much, being involved in dangerous relationships. And we were acting in a destructive way. While it is true that these things happen in all relationships, it is important to ask whether they should be blamed for the way we feel about ourselves now. Or if they can be used as the reference point for blame-shifting in relationships. Blame shifting can lead to more tension. And more insecurity in your relationship than ever before if you let it.
How blame-shifting works
One of the most interesting psychological theories I have read is the one about how blame shifting in relationships works. In short, it says that people who are experiencing some problem are so susceptible to shifting blame that, they will easily shift it to someone else. In my experience, blame-shifting usually happens after an argument. Or a heated discussion where someone makes a claim that seems to be factual and is then blamed on the other person. Afterwards, the subject points out several flaws in their original claim that they try to counter-make, often to no avail.
In the business world, blame-shifting is quite common. People will often complain that their boss is a “liar” or that they are being “disrespected.” After some time, when there are substantial shifts in company policy. A company will often fire one employee for blaming the entire company for the problems. This is not an isolated incident but something that happens all the time.
In my opinion, blaming your employees for your mistakes is a very bad idea. You are never going to be able to take responsibility for every single mistake or misjudgment. Likewise, it would help if you didn’t let your employees get away with it either. Give them the opportunity to voice their complaints and point out the shifts in company policy, costing them money. If you take this approach, you will show fairness. And transparency, which are two very important characteristics of a good leader.
Narcissist blame shifting
Narcissist blame-shifting is a self-destructive behaviour common among narcissists. As a narcissist, you may be inclined to believe that blame your own actions and those of others, especially women. You may also be inclined to feel guilty for situations that other people have caused you grief or even worse, that you are somehow responsible for other people’s pain. You are not! It is impossible for you ever to understand where your fault lies. And why someone else’s actions are more important than yours.
To a narcissist, their mask-swearing behaviours and their excuses are acts of self-destructive coping mechanisms. Narcissistic behaviours are not “wrong” per se, but merely a means to an end. What they want is approval, more ego satisfaction and a sense of self-worth. It is in their best interest to lie about issues so as to avoid responsibility.
A woman friend of mine confessed to me that her narcissistic boyfriend had once told her “If you are having problems, it’s more than likely because you are a little girl.” That explanation made no sense to her, nor did his casual line “You are not a very good girlfriend.” To this woman, she said, “Narcissists cannot feel guilty about what they are doing because that makes them seem bad.” Narcissists blame others for their feelings, so they can feel justified in victimizing others. Never attribute blame to others, because it only makes you look bad!
The Psychology behind Blame-Shifting
In today’s world there is a new trend that is starting to come to public attention; it is called blame-shifting, and it has been around for quite some time. Basically, when someone is accused of doing something that they did not do, they will often try to shift the blame to someone else or themselves. In order to understand blame shifting in relationships full scope. You must first understand what causes someone to shift their blame. The main characteristic that causes people to do this is guilt.
Guilt is basically when you feel bad for something that you have not done. When someone feels bad about themselves, they will usually try to shift the blame to someone else or even a group of people. The most common form of blame-shifting is when someone feels bad about being unemployed when they actually had a job. Then they will tell you that you were lazy and didn’t try. Or if they are doing well in a certain job that they’ve applied for, but they still don’t like it they will blame you for not showing the same interest in the job.
While these are just two examples of blame-shifting in relationships, it is important to realize that this is a common problem. Most people are guilty of this at some point. The key is learning how to deal with your guilt. The best way to accomplish this is to learn how to recognize your own feelings of guilt. And then turn them around so that they actually make you feel good. Instead of blaming someone else for your negative feelings you should direct your energy towards yourself.
3 ways blame shifting is affecting your relationship
If you’ve ever been involved in a relationship where blame has been shifted in the heat of the moment, then you know how hard it can be to get the blame off and start working towards a new, more positive relationship. But what if you are not guilty of shifting blame? What if you have no involvement in the blame shifting in relationships?
This article will help you understand what is happening when blame is shifted. And how you can work towards a more positive outcome in your relationship.
I want to point out that if you accuse someone of having done something wrong in your relationship, this is a form of blame shifting. You’re accusing someone of something without having any evidence to back up your accusations.
This is a sure-fire way to lose control and put the blame somewhere other than where it belongs. When you ask someone to change something in your relationship, give them some space, don’t demand answers or seek to punish them for what you believe is wrong. You don’t need to engage in a war of words, but you do need to show patience, kindness, and respect.
I want to talk about forgiveness. People are quick to anger when they feel there is a fault in the relationship. So often, when blame is shifted, the first person to engage in the blame game is yourself. Forgiving someone is a way to make amends for past wrongdoings. But the problem with “forgiveness” as a tactic for blaming others is that it shifts. The focus away from yourself to some outside source – which, believe it or not, is the cause of most relationships’ problems.
Here’s another example of blame shifting: I once heard an explanation of how forgiveness was a good thing. The speaker said, “Forgiving someone is a way to remove that person’s responsibility.” However, I’ve never met anyone who has ever forgiven themselves.
You begin to blame others for your partner or yourself’s mistakes. This is a form of emotional blackmail – “You are my problem now, and I’m going to change. Or I’m going to get angry and punish you.” This is why blaming other people do not work in a healthy relationship. It makes things worse instead of better.
When you blame someone else for your faults, you undermine their ability to self-repair. You also make yourself vulnerable to the very behaviors you criticize. If you are experiencing blame shifting in your relationship right now, you need to address it before it becomes counterproductive.
Also Read: When Someone Doesn’t Trust You For No Reason
Less Obvious Ways to Blame
There are many ways to blame domestic violence victims, yet the real blame lies with the perpetrator and those who enabled the behavior. Less obvious ways to blame the victim usually begin by pointing fingers at the victim-blaming them for being weak.
Or having character flaws or even not being “cute enough” or a good catch name. The perpetrator then jumps to that position. And deflects the blame to the victim, usually to escape responsibility. Usually, though not always, the perpetrator says that the victim is to blame for the relationship ending, that it was his or her fault for not sticking to their agreements, etc.
Less obvious ways to blame the victims include:
- Looking at the “boys’ club” structure that most households have.
- Encouraging their boys to take responsibility for chores and housework.
- Delegating these duties to their girlfriends and wives.
Also, looking at the “small boys” as weak and helpless and pointing the finger at them to be domestic violence victims. Often, this excuses the perpetrators of violence.
Showing them that it’s okay because these “small men” have no power or ability to speak for themselves. It also gives the perpetrator some sense of power over the “little people,” showing him or her that they don’t need any help. And that they can hurt or abuse anyone they want.
The victim-focus involves moving the blame away from yourself. Your life and your situation and onto someone else. You become the anchor, holding yourself responsible for everything bad that happens. The perpetrator gets to escape responsibility.
Choosing instead to blame you, the victim, for their own hardships and problems. This is a pattern that plays out over. And plays itself out time again in relationships everywhere. The less obvious ways to blame the victim begin immediately following this pattern. And take on many different forms, but the effect is always the same: shift the blame.